I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
