Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dear god my vagina.
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