Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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