I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
