I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
