And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
