He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize