Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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