he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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