Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
