This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
