i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
