im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize