I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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