Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
