Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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