My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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