When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
