Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
