trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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