My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
