After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
