she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Boobs are out for the taking
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
