My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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