i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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