Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
