I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
