I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
