How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
