fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
