just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
