she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
