oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
