the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
