he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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