Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The air taste purple.
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