My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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