his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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