my sisters under your porch take her home
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
