I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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