Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
