Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
