i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this just has baby written all over it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
