bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
