Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
