I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
