You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
