I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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