Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
