TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
