Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize