That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
