You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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