i love accidental penises.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
