Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize