Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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