I want to have your abortion
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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