Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
